I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
