well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
