You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
