I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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