I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
