in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Randomize
