can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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