just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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