so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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