im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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