Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dicks are not precious.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
