I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize