It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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