those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
