i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
