she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
