i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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