I can tuck mytits in my pants
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
