and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
