Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
