My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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