drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
