3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
