also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize