so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
