I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
