So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
