Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
