Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize