just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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