# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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