You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
