that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
