This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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