Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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