they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
