Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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