ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
