I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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