How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
