Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
