For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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