Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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