hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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