she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
