It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
