Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
