Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i've created a new STD.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
