New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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