they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
