I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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