I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
