even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
