Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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