Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Found your dick twin last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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