dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
