I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
