No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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