What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
