just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
These tits shall not be calmed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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