And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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