Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
