My friends, they love my intelligence
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
