At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
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Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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