you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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