ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
