saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
