YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
