he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
