here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
