she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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