our cab driver is having phone sex.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
