yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
