she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
