I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
