if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
