Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
