worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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